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Apr. 5th, 2007

Maneater, make you work hard, make you spend hard, make you want all of her love...

I just wanted to say how hilarious the Memorizing Look is...you know the one- the eyes rest on some invisible target, unfocused, slightly darkened; the eyebrow is just barely able to muster itself into a little peak on one side; the mouth slackens to give way to a tiny bubble of spittle; the arms hang uselessly over the knees...

Some guy is doing it right now, and I can't even concentrate because it's so memorizing.

"AbUUH..." People are fun.

Apr. 4th, 2007

(no subject)

"I enter into the service of truth and love. Losing myself, I find myself." -Pope Benedict XVI

The sense of hope I have felt these past few weeks has been so uplifting. Despite some worries and disappointments, I am just so happy...I have just felt so full lately.

Now I just need to eat one of those chocolate Easter crosses and I will be really full. (Seriously, what's up with those?) Personally, I'd rather NOT eat the symbol of my religion. (I suppose this is where I give Protestants permission to make Eucharist jokes?)

Though I attribute 99.9% of this joy to God, I have to admit...buying a few Bee Gees songs on iTunes has really done wonders. ;-) Ellen and I actually cleaned our entire room on Monday! We dusted.

The weather is currently gloomy and cold...again. I had a nice full of a few warm days, so really, that's fine with me. I even got a mini-tan on my arms and legs. I just felt really horrible seeing all the frozen worms on the sidewalks, though. *grimace*

I still feel really behind on my school work, but I have been social instead, so I suppose that's a fair trade. (Aristotle's Politics isn't going to be in my wedding, am I right?)

Story of the day- Last night the cashier at Wal-Mart gave me his screen name. It was hilarious...Laurel just stood there laughing the entire time. He's really nice, though. Pretty smart, from what I can tell. Big nerd and Lovecraft fan.

I just have to share this. Last night I was thinking about how I can't wait to take care of my husband. The thought of bringing him some coffee while he types away on his laptop at night makes so happy, I can't even explain it. Then I sort of felt really pathetic imagining what Lauren's face would look like if I told her. Just let me have my thing, man. I mean, I want to be taken care of and all that, too, but ironing those shirts. Ho boy. *fans self*

And finally, can I say how much I love shetland ponies? I was thinking back to the Simpsonville days when we always played with the ones down the street.

Spunky little rascals!

Everyone have a nice night. Lost in a few hours!

rock on \\m//

Mar. 22nd, 2007

Kentucky, I love you, Darling

Hey ya'll.

Just a short hello...there's really nothing much to say.

I've been having a great time here with my family and such. I've had Indian food TWICE, heard the awesome priest at our new parish (I think we're going to switch) (he's RUL funny. And from Puerto Rico.), bought way too many clothes, and been lucky enough to spend a few fabulous days with Lauren. (Last night we watched the Parent Trap, haaaay!) I love being with my parents...the weather started out cold and got up to 78 yesterday...Abby is no longer as obese as she once was...the spring peepers are making one helluva ruckus in the flood plain...it's just amazing. I love home.

I hope everyone else is enjoying themselves...I miss you guys too!

Everyone have an exquisite day!

rock on \\m//

Mar. 10th, 2007

Move on up, and keep on wishin'...

Yesterday was such a good day. The weather was beautiful, and everyone was in a fabulous mood. Even the normal Grumpy-Mc Grumpersons! It was all I could do to stop myself from buying every fruit in sight at Wal-Mart. (Though I did get some blueberries) That's what I do when I'm feeling fresh. When I get home, I'm going to overdose on all sorts of fruity pleasures, as my mom will be the one buying them.

The date dinner was fun (thanks for going, Mark!), the Beat party was fun...getting texted Ma$e lyrics from Colleen was fun... ;-)

I have so much homework, it's insane. But who cares, because it's almost break, so I'm energized and feeling productive.

Fun fact of the day: Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of a blue wale


"Have great confidence, for it is necessary not to hold back one's desires, but to believe in God that if we try we shall little by little, even though it may not be soon, reach the state the saints did with His help. For if they had never determined to desire and seek this state little by little in practice, they would never have mounted so high." -Teresa of Avila

rock on \\m//

Mar. 8th, 2007


So I was looking at a bunch of really old entries, think 2004, and I really do entertain myself. Is that bad?

And, this is just one big, messy, self-indulgent entry, so feel free to ignore it. I just love looking at these!

The first thing I looked at was this gem. Colleen, it should bring back some not-so-fond memories for you. And notice the lack of Brian's name in the sleepover summary...I'm pretty sure that was some sort of secret at the time.

Me being an idiotCollapse )

In other news, there is none. All is well, and I'm going to bed.

Everyone have a nice night!

rock on \\m//

Feb. 16th, 2007

Lay down, thou weary one, lay down thy head upon my breast...

Time for another "emo" entry. (I promise, I'm not going through menopause.)

Brad left for mission the other day. I knew it was coming, obviously, but now it seems much more final. As horrible as last semester was, I always knew I could call him if I wanted to. And two years...it just seems so odd that he'll come back after so long. All of the possible changes scare me as much as they excite me. Selfishly, I jump to my own worries when he is the one who is being sent from his family and friends, the learning that he loves so much...I'm so proud of his attitude, though. He is truly working to keep his mind on God and leave it all to faith, and I am incredibly eager to hear his new insight. But I'll miss him, as I already do.

Donna just left to go to Benzing to spend one last night with Julie and Bethany. I thought I was doing a pretty good job being really positive about everything, keeping in mind that it is for her health, and God knows we all want her to feel like herself again. But I just had a little "freak-out" in my room, so I figured writing this down instead of getting mascara all over my pillow would be a good idea. It has hurt so much to see her struggling, and not being able to really do much at all. Now I can only think of how much I will miss her, and how empty Koon will feel. Having Laurel leave was bad enough...across the street, I know...but it makes a huge difference when you spend about 65% of the day with someone, and then all of the sudden it is cut back to a measly class or meeting here and there. Just having Donna and Laurel studying near me was enough. I hate the thought of being so self-pitying, I really do. And I'm not the type to despair about anything...I know I will *always* hold on to some hope, but this is all still scaring the hell out of me. I'm not very skilled at accepting what comes, and it's so hard to keep the anxiety to a minimum.

And I miss home so much. I've taken to calling my sister at all sorts of inopportune times just to say "hi." [Thanks for being so patient, Lauren. Even when you are making dumplings at work. ;-)]

Ahh, change. But it's only a few months until summer. And who knows...I'm sure there will be plenty of surprises and blessings until then. This week has actually been a very good one, despite pretty much everyone being hit with some hurtle or another. (What's up with that, anyway?) I'm being reminded yet again how incredible my family and friends truly are...that's always a good thing, yeah?

rock on \\m//

Feb. 15th, 2007

(no subject)

(Steve, don't have a heart attack...here comes another one!)

I'm still doing homework, also known as doing everything in my power to stay distracted. So here are some lyrics:

Like the lantern on a tree
Your burden bright as weary be.
Periwig on parakeet,
You're God's great paramour and sweet.

I'm happy, I'm happy
Your birthday brings a pardoning.
I'm happy, I'm happy
You're like a bird that will not be.

Yours will number, yours will be
A paragon a Paraclete.
Keep your bed warm, keep your humor,
Keep your proverbs short and sweet.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry
That life is anxious, life is mean.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
A pair of shoes is what you need.

I'm happy, I'm happy
Your birthday brings a pardoning.
I'm happy, I'm happy
You're like a bird that will not be.


(no subject)

An interesting little tidbit from a blog-

Posted on 02/15/2007 5:11:58 AM PST

Hillary Rodham Clinton's campaign reached a deal to pay a key South
Carolina black leader's consulting firm more than $200,000 just days
before he agreed to endorse her run for president.....The arrangement
involves South Carolina state Sen. Darrell Jackson, a well-connected
African-American leader and pastor whose support is coveted by national

Jackson confirmed that his public-relations firm struck a deal with
Clinton's campaign just days ago for a contract worth up to $10,000 a
month through the 2008 elections. Jackson had also been in talks with
Sen. Barack Obama's campaign about endorsing him and a consulting
contract for more than $5,000, raising questions about whether Jackson's
endorsement was bought by a higher bidder.

Jackson acknowledged that his financial dealings with the Clinton camp
should have been mentioned on Tuesday, when his support was
revealed......But Jackson balked at suggestions that his political
support for sale. "It's not about the money - there were some other
candidates who offered to double [Clinton's] offer," Jackson told The
Post, though he declined to say which candidates. Jackson said he was
heavily courted by Obama personally, Edwards, Joe Biden and Bill
Richardson. He said he doesn't draw a salary from Sunrise, but gets to
drive a company car. Jackson worked for Edwards in 2004, and for Bill
Clinton in 1992.


In other news, I'm sick or Art History. UGH.

I finished my CCA paper at exactly 4am, and I'm actually pretty pleased with it. I took the liberty to practice my more creative, "speech-writer" techniques (not that I have any...but maybe one day!) since they grade very easily. It was kind of fun.

It's almost Friday!

rock on \\m//

Feb. 13th, 2007

(no subject)

What should I be doing? Mountains of homework. What am I doing? Buying hymns on iTunes. (Who can concentrate when there are huge snow mounds in the street?!)

And because it's a great beauty:

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

rock on \\m//

Feb. 10th, 2007

(no subject)

I've been trying to talk to God lately. I've been trying so incredibly hard, but almost every time I feel like I'm missing the mark. It's better than it was months ago, but not by very much. It's pretty much like I'm learning how to pray for the first time...I've always "said my prayers," but I was really just checking them off, in a way. In the past, my form of deeper prayer has been thinking and debating about God, writing which includes God, talking about God with my mom...but sometimes I think it's just parrot-talk, and I don't know if that is me overanalyzing, or Satan trying to keep me away from God. I think it is the latter, because I do I feel something...a very genuine, loving something, but I don't necessarily feel Him there. I feel guilt. If I really believe this... "I should have said this sooner." "I should have done this last night." Never "I did this, because I love Him. And that's it."

But God talked to me on Sunday. I was crying, pleading, fumbling for words I couldn't form correctly, frustrated with my utter inability to pray, my lowliness...and then all of the sudden, everything stopped. My thoughts, my tears...and I felt Him EVERYWHERE...I heard Him say to me, firmly yet tenderly, "That's enough." That was it, but the peace was incredible. I felt so completely free.

Which brings me to today...I feel like I have been given a fresh start, as well as renewed courage and determination in my heart. But I need to learn how to pray. There is a great sense of urgency I feel whenever I wake up, and a sense of loss I feel whenever I go to sleep. I want to do it, revel in it...but I keep feeling myself inch away from real, genuine prayer. I am going to start going to church again, regularly, but whenever I go lately, I am embarrassed because I start to cry. I just fall apart when I'm there, and then I'm afraid to come back.

I've been reading Scripture, trying to keep it in mind throughout the day, but there are still so many gaps. I can't figure out how to deeply connect with God on a whim, whenever it strikes me...how to say what I want to say, without feeling like He's already heard it in my previous thoughts, so it's not valuable anymore...how to glorify Him without feeling like I'm writing a crappy thank-you to my aunt...

Help would be very welcome.

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